File 7 - Go to the F**king Forest!!!!

"I love you, Mommy"  I do not think there is a better feeling, than when your little tells you they love you, without provocation.  I am helping my youngest get into this pajamas, the other night, and he looks at me with his huge, dark eyes.  He places his sweet, little, still baby-looking hand, on my shoulder.

"I love you, Mommy."  Up come the tears.  I am such a suck.  I mean, my kids tell me that they love me, but it usually requires me saying it to them, first.  Several times a day...   Even then, it is not the guaranteed response.  More often than not, it is an awkward silence.  Well, awkward for me because they just leave me hanging out there.  Did they hear me?  It is like that moment when you are in a new relationship and you want to tell your partner that you love them, but you aren't sure if they will say it back.  That is the uncertainty I face, every.....time. When I do get a response, it is usually an eye roll, with a mumbled "I love you, too."  To be fair, it maybe a bit much for them, on the days that I tell them like 10 plus times.

I remember the first time my oldest said it, on his own.  The three of us - my oldest, my husband, and myself - were laying in bed.  My sweet boy rolls over and wraps his arms around my neck.  He presses his cheek against mine.

"I love you, Mommy."  Heart shatters.  Then, because everything is a competition (obviously), I give my awestruck husband the nod and the wink, over my child's shoulder.  This round goes to Mommy.

So, this wonderful surprise, from my baby, was how our March break started.  I don't want to say that it went downhill from there.....but, things definitely took a turn.  The thing is, I always head into these holidays with these majestic ideas of how we are all going to chill out and just be happy to have this time together.  We will just plan, as we go.  There is no greater bullshit, that I could try and convince myself of.

Here is the truth - kids don't want to f**king chill out.  They need to know what they are doing, as soon as they finish what they are doing.  Sometimes, they need to know, before they even finish what they are doing.  I mean, it's not like I didn't make any plans.  I made plans for each day we were off.  But they were short plans - half a day, here, a couple of hours, there.  Look,  Mama needs to time to chill, too.  Ya.....Mama better get woke.  By Wednesday afternoon, the kids were like the purple minions, talking gibberish, being destructive and  in desperate need of being set free, in the wilderness to run and scream it off.  And I find myself repeating "It is going to be fine.  It is going to be fine", with a crazed look on my face and my hair standing out in every direction.  Forget the movies, the cake making, the library...if there is not some form of running and screaming scheduled, then you are screwed.

So, as soon as my husband arrived home, today, I had the minions ready and out the front door we flew.  We headed straight to the little forest, by our place, the boys full on running majority of the route.  They jumped in the snow, stood on the tree stumps and, after some encouragement from me, did some yelling.  I watched all of the pent up energy explode out into the wilderness and it was magnificent.

I am a huge fan of this murder podcast and one of their catch phrases is, "Stay out of the forest."  And, in all honesty, this is very important advice.  We all know murderers hang out in the forest.  And, if you are by yourself, just don't do that shit.  Especially, if it is dark out.....  But, I think one of my new catch phrases, for holidays, is going to be "Go to the f**king forest!!!!"  It has always been a happy place of mine, when I am not alone, of course.  What's more, it is a place where my mind feels free and at peace.  It is also the place where I take my littles, when they need to act wild and give zero f**ks.

All in all, March break has been fine, so far.  We have gotten to see some good friends and family, which we love. We have found A LOT of creative things to do.  But, lucky for me, my boys have also allowed some time for a little chilling, too.  Which means....

Does Mommy need to lose her shit?

Not this week.