File 10 - The HEI

I am going to start this week's file, with an update on our new aquatic tenant.  Here's the thing, people have A LOT of fish horror stories.  The most horrifying one that I heard, was from my Mom.  She said her and my Dad used to have Beta fish - a male and a female.  She then went on to say that, after the male squeezed the eggs out of the female, he killed her and became the "mother".  Firstly, I can't say "the male squeezed the eggs out of the female" without gagging.  Secondly, what in the actual f*#k???  Who is this monster that we have moved into our house, with our children?  I would not want to think what the result would be, if my husband tried to squeeze anything out of me.

Lucky for us, our Mr. BS is a solitary fellow.  We upgraded his digs because his water seemed to be getting too foggy and it was causing some uneasiness.  Not sure if it has ever come up, but I have anxiety.  So, we went and got him a much bigger tank, with a filter, bubbles and a light show.  It's like the fish Vegas.  Now, Mr. Slingshot is living the life of leisure.

The other thing that has moved into our house, as of late, is our new Healthy Eating Initiative.  That is what I am calling it, to make myself feel more dedicated to it.  It sounds so.... official.  If I am being honest, what it should really be called is "I'M STARVING!!!!".

Here's the thing, I love food.  And by love food, I mean I love eating, and talking about eating, and cooking, and baking, and grocery shopping, and pinning recipes.  My boys know the names of the Food Network chefs.  They have a play kitchen, that they still play in, and my oldest has been known to be quite adept at drawing food trucks.  I am the person that people give their left over lunch food to, at work.  We ordered personalized pizza's, the other day, and I ate all of mine and then two left over slices of someone else's.  I have no self control.  I am always either thinking about, talking about or eating food.  So, you can imagine my trepidation with the mention of the Healthy Eating Initiative.

The first change that the Initiative brought forth, was smoothies for breakfast.  Now, I love fruits and vegetables.  I have to say, my boys do, too.  How bad could this time tested concoction be?  To be honest, they taste delicious.  But they look like......well, like barfshit - that is the shade somewhere between vomit and poop.  Did I just create a crayon colour?  They are all bright and appealing, when you first blend them, but, overtime, it begins to fade into sludge.  And I don't care how long you blend that shit, there will be seeds.  Those little bastards will stick in your teeth.  You had better hope that someone tells you, before you come home from a full day at work and find it for yourself.  Not that I know anything about that.  I try and stretch mine out, for as long as possible, to avoid the inevitable hunger thunder.  "Donuts in the kitchen!"  Hold up my cup of barfshit - nah, thanks, I am good.

The smoothies are a walk in the park compared to the low carb component of the HEI.  Low carb.  Why???  Honestly, f*#k that.  Do I want to shed some post baby weight (yes, I am still calling it that, even though my youngest is almost 4)? Yes!  Do I want to eat a diet that is full of variety and rich in vitamins and anti-oxidants? Yes!  Do I want to eat spicy Doritos, in bed, while I am watching the murder channel?  Hells to the yes!  Did I finish my kids' chicken nuggets tonight at supper ?  Also, yes...

I guess it is going to be all about balance....and chips.  The "I'm Starving!!!!", aka Healthy Eating Initiative, isn't all bad.  I really do enjoy the morning smoothies.  I just check my teeth, every time I am in the washroom, and try and pay no mind to the barfshit hue.  The low carb part, well....I am kind of trying.  A little.  Okay, maybe one day a week.

Now, for a snack.

Does Mommy need to lose her shit?

Not this week.