I love facts. Random facts, to be more specific. I file them away in my brain, in what I picture to be an eighties style filing cabinet, with a sign taped crookedly on the side reading "Random Shit". Papers jutting out, this way and that. A single light bulb, hanging from its' cord, above it. Illuminating all of the indiscriminate tidbits of information, that I have picked up along the way.
For example, my true crime obsession taught me about non-secretors. There is a small percentage of the population that does not have their blood type antigens, in their bodily fluids. This means that their fluids are not sufficient for a DNA match. Pretty cool, right? Also, terrifying AF. This fact is filed in the "In Case I'm Needed in a Murder Investigation" file.
Another fun fact comes from my love of food. Sometimes when you are making a sauce, it will break. This means that the oil or butter will separate from the rest of the sauce. Even if it still tastes okay, no one is going to want to eat this hideous concoction, that now resembles mucous. Talk about a non-secretor. Now, I don't know how to always stop this from happening, but when it comes to any sauce that requires an egg, you have to make sure that you bring the egg up to room temperature. Who new? This fact is filed in the "Random but Useful" file.
My boys received a book of facts, as a gift for Easter. I was thumbing through it, looking for more goodies for my cabinet, and I came across something staggering. Okay, here it goes.... Guess the average amount of questions that a child asks in a day? 300!!!! I am not f**king with you. Three f**king hundred. Oh, yes, and as a critical footnote, the majority of these will be asked to the "mother". Let's try and put this in perspective, here. So, our kids are awake for about 12 hours. That is 25 questions in an hour. I have two kids, so that would be 600 questions a day and 50 in an hour! Basically, a question every two minutes. Every...two....minutes....
Can that many questions even exist? Well, I believe the answer is yes. Yes, they can. I mean, when I think of all the "Mom's?" "Mommy's?" "Mama's?" Those must be included, right? And I get at least two of those, usually, before the rest of the question is asked. Also, sometimes a "Val?" (their daycare provider), for good measure. Then there are the repeaters. The same questions that are asked over and over again. Those are good times. Really. There is nothing better than repeating yourself at question 4, 37, 150 and 213. Then there are the quickfires. These would typically be questions 290-300. They are fired like gunshots, right as you are trying to get out of their room, when you tuck them in. "Can I have some water?" "What day is it?" "Do you know what I built in Minecraft?"
Thus, 300 questions may indeed be legit. And these don't even include the questions asked by my husband or at my job. Huh, Siri and Alexa. Those bitches got nothing on us Mamas. I think this fact is going to be filed in the "Neurotic Mama" file.
Does Mommy need to lose her shit?
Not this week.