File 29 - D Wagon

I hate letting my kids down.  It is the worst.  There are many things that I don't like, in this world - nail filing, leeches, those gross licorice square candy things, mom shamers, my van (which we'll touch on later), dolls - but, having to disappoint my littles, is the crappiest of all.  What I realized, this past week, is that something very problematic happened when we were forced to dash our boys hopes.

We were supposed to go camping.  We had all been looking forward to it, all week.  Especially, my oldest.  He loves to venture anywhere.  He loves to learn new roads and explore new places.  He loves swimming in the lake, fishing and hiking.  My youngest? Well, he just lives his best life, no matter where he is.  We had all of our stuff lined up in the hallway, on Friday, and the hubby and I were running last minute errands.  Then the call comes in:

"I don't think we can go camping," my husband says.  I look at the clock.  My heart drops into my stomach.  It is about the time that he would be picking up our oldest from camp.  Anxiety is shrieking that there is something wrong.  She honestly has no manners.

"Why???  Is everything okay?!?!?!?"  My voice sounded louder and way more shrill than I had intended.  But, Anxiety will not keep it down. 

"The van is making a terrible grinding sound."  Now his voice sounded shrill.  I exhale.

F**king van.  This vehicle has caused us nothing but trouble, since we got it.  It has been a total D. "D-Wagon, D-Wagon, D-Wagon, D-Wagon, all the housewives pulling up."  Got me sayin, Wow, in a bad way. And, if anyone is pulling up, it is because we're broke down.

Anyhow, with a six hour round-trip drive ahead of us, we had to make the hideous decision to cancel our camping trip. We brought our villainous vehicle to the shop and braced ourselves for the financial woe that it most definitely had in store for us.  Then, we had to tell the boys.  I am a fan of the bait and switch method.  You know - I know we aren't going camping but we can do this totally cool thing, instead.  We have had some measure of success with this approach, in the past.  I expected them to be disappointed.  I expected an audible and drawn out for effect, AWWWEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!  What I wasn't prepared for was sobbing. And that is what I heard, when my husband called me after breaking the news to my oldest.  Shoulder shaking, trying to catch your breath sobbing.  Shit.

This is where the situation becomes problematic.  The bait and switch goes off the rails.  We feel like we have broken our child's heart.  We are total monsters!!!  We are now going to do anything and everything that they want, all weekend.  You want to go to the movies?  Of course!  Out for breakfast?  Absolutely!  Sleepover in our bed?  Sure.  I mean, the child was sobbing, for f**k's sake!

By the end of the weekend, these kids were acting like the tiny dictators that we had turned them into.  Marching around the house, making demands, not cleaning up after themselves, fighting.  As I watched this horror, I realized that our over compensation, for disappointing our littles, had done way more damage, than the disappointment itself.  Oh, when life lessons slap you right across your face.  Learning to deal with the reality of changing circumstances that life brings, will be way more beneficial for them, than learning to be assholes.  Back to the simple bait and switch.  If it ain't broke...

Does Mommy need to lose her shit?

Not this week.