File 31 - Crockpots, Creaking Doors and Crying

This is an emotional week.  It is the official last week of summer holidays.  I mean, it isn't all bad. It is a bit of a double edged sword for me, because I love fall.  And the crowd boos!  “You’re a summer hater!” A heckle echos from the back.  Oh, wait...that's my husband.  Do I like summer?  Sure.  Do I like cottages, camping and cold beer?  I most certainly do!  Do I like bathing suits?  Umm....that is a hard, hell no!  But, as much as I love long, hot summer days, and warm, balmy summer nights, I love fall, to the moon and back.  Cool nights and sweater weather.  Bursts of vivid reds, oranges and yellows, in the trees, against the clear, blue sky. The scent of a real wood fireplace, on the air.  Candles and crockpots.  Repeats of The Shining, on TV.!!!

This fall, however, brings some pretty significant changes in our family.  Firstly, my youngest is starting school.  My last baby.  Anxiety and I agreed, that I should take next week off, just in case either of my littles needed me.  I know!!!  We actually agreed on something!  I am going to open all my windows, let that September breeze in, do some stuff around the house, and try and hold my shit together.  I know he is ready.  This child has been ready to take on the world, from the minute he was born.  Loving everything and everyone, to the point we have had to tell him that he can't hug his soccer coach or the random Dad we don't know at the park or the pizza delivery person.  He has taken on any new challenge with fervor and an incredible, 0 f**ks, stance.  This kid is a legend.  And, I am not biased at all, obvi.

Closing this baby door, has not been easy for me.  It is like that haunted door, in the movies.  Every time I see or hold a baby, creeaaakkkk, the door creepily swings open.  The unexpected and terrifying sound makes me go running back to my husband.  "I think we made a mistake!"  "Let's get that shit reversed!"  Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful for my sweet boys.  I just feel like my hubby and I made a rash, medical procedure decision, under the duress of sleep deprivation, diaper changing and potty training. Too much poop, not enough time.  But, my hubby always ensures me that we made an educated and well thought out decision and gently, re-shuts the haunted door.  And last night, when my youngest got out of bed 10 times, in 40 minutes, I have to agree.

The other huge change, is that our boys are leaving their daycare provider.  I have literally cried every time I tried to talk about this, this week.  I know!  I know! Get a grip!  FFS!  It's just, she has been such a crucial and present part of their little lives, so far.  She was there when my oldest started school.  She has held their tiny hands and guided them through learning to share, to spell, to colour in the lines, and to try new things.  She has wiped their snot, their butts, and their tears, when we couldn't be there.  Potty training?  All her.  She has been our co-parent, for the last three years.  She has been the best and we can never thank her enough.  Even Anxiety likes her and that is no easy f**king feat, let me tell you!

So, here we are.  All, crockpots, creaking doors and crying.  All in my feelings.  But, fall will come and my baby will start school, next week, a boss.  We will keep in touch with my boys' other mother and my husband will keep closing that possessed door.  He will put an 80 lb dresser, in front of it, if he has too, lol.

Does Mommy need to lose her shit?

Not this week.