File 55 - Good. Fine. I Don't Remember.

Do you know the difference between a toot and a fart?  These are the type of conversations that we have in my house.  Now, in my mind, these are synonyms.  I always thought that toot was the more polite version.  I think this was because I never heard my Mom use the word fart, when I was growing up.  She never used curse words either.  The harshest words that I remember her using, was telling me that she was going to "rip my face off."  Come to think of it, that is rather graphic.  Maybe I inherited my true crime obsession from her...  I digress.  Yes, synonyms.  Just as poot and shart, are synonyms.  You know, when you think it is going to be a toot, but you are sadly mistaken.  Hence, POO-T.  We've all been there.  No shit shame here.

Here's the thing, when you live with kids, you end up having a lot of things kidsplained.  Hence, the ongoing flatulence debate.  According to my little gas gurus, there is a difference between these.  Apparently, a toot is more quiet and short.  The more civil of the two offenses, if you will.  Whereas, the fart is loud, long and stinky. I know what you're thinking.  You have not heard of this distinction before.  I hadn't either.  Their kidsplanation was pretty convincing, though.  They were both in absolute agreement, which never happens.  Never. Happens.  They provided relevant examples, referencing a scene from the Captain Underpants movie and their father.  Their argument was nothing, if not compelling.  Co-smelling, even?

I wish I could get my sweet babies to do more kidsplaining about their days at school.  Whenever I ask them, I only ever get the kids' coles notes:  "Good." "Fine."  "I don't remember."  Really??? They can’t provide me with any details about the place where they spend 35 hours a week, but they can go on for an hour about the birth order of the Koopalings and how that effects their superpowers, and, in turn, their relationship with Bowser, in Super Mario Brothers? In fact, I am fairly certain that they know more about this fictional Turdragon family, than they do about their own family. And I do now, as well. It’s a Kooptastrophe! This video game kidsplaining has gotten so out of hand, that now they will quiz us.
"Do you know where the Koopalings live?"
“Hell? Oh no, wait, that’s me.” 
I don't think that was the correct answer.  No gold star for me.  I think from now on, when this topic of choice comes up, I will try out – “Good.” “Fine.” “I don’t remember.”

The littles' lectures about bodily functions and video game genealogy can be extensive and perplexing.  I can admit that there are times that I drift in and out.  Nodding and smiling.  Smiling and nodding.  But, it is so amazing to see their beautiful faces light up and the lilt in their voices, when they are kidsplaining.  Waving their arms for impact.  They are like tiny professors instructing with no clear beginning. Or end.  Or chronology.  Nevertheless, I love it.  Sometimes, I learn something.  Like the difference between a toot and a fart.  Now, to get them to kidsplain school to me.......

Does Mommy need to lose her shit?

Not this week.