To school or not to school - that is the complicated, confusing, absolutely horrifying question. Send the children, they say. There will be social distancing, they say. Lots of hand washing, they say. Masks for the older kids, they say. To me, this poses the question - have they ever met children?
Not to state the obvious, but I can't think of many things more gnarly than the hand of an elementary school child. It's like a petrie dish filled with snot, saliva, fecal matter and garbage. And they touch EVERYTHING. You know what they touch the most? Their face. Next? Each other. Then they come home from school and spread all of those beastly bacterium all over your house. There have been many a gag reflex activated by a tiny hand being put on my mouth. Terror only abated, if you realize that the hands have been washed in the last 5 minutes. Even then....
It just seems strange to test out the pandemic in the place where the puke bug passes through like wild fire. A playground not just for the kids, but for colds, flu, strep throat and lice. Good times. It's a bug bash. School is synonymous with sickness. The famous statement, "My child never got sick until they went to school," uttered by parents everywhere, in the history of time. It is just a fact of life, accepted by all, because it helps them build immunity. However, this fact seems incredibly more complicated when it comes to COVID. Another Coronavirus conundrum. It is perplexing AF that we are going to send our tiny humans, into buildings that are incubators for illness, where less than half of them are required to wear masks, and with full class sizes. It feels like we are volunteering them as tributes. Hopefully, there will be no pig's head on a stick.
I mean, I am definitely not saying that the current shit show is working. Working full-time, while trying the be a full-time caregiver and teacher is enough to drive any parent batty. You get burnout! You get burnout! Everybody gets burnout!!! It is a hideous situation for the littles, too. Not being able to see their friends and their teachers, not being able to play with complete abandon, being stuck inside with their parents now attempting to teach them. Worst. Teachers. Ever. Spending more time with Captain Underpants than is probably healthy for any human being. Tra-la-lazy!
So, here were are. School spores vs. mental wars. In our case, we have to work, so our sweet babies will be going into the pandemic petrie dish that is public school. Currently, researching washable hazmat suits in sizes 5 and 8. Let me know if you have any leads. And don't be surprised if you see my face plastered in their classroom windows, hand sanitizer in one hand and Lysol wipes in the other, making sure their masks are on and that they are okay. Followed by a quick hose down on the lawn, when they get home. Too far? I think the f**k not.
Send the children, they say.
May the odds be ever in your favour.
Does Mommy need to lose her shit?
Not this week.
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