I have always loved Christmas. It is such a magical time. I adore the lights, decorations, music and food. OMG - the food! It gives a great excuse to just eat your face off, for the entire month of December. Not to say that I do that. Okay, I do. Which brings me to another thought. How come no one has ever made an appy advent calendar? A different delicious appetizer, for every day until Christmas - Dec. 1: sausage rolls, Dec 2: shrimp cocktail. Mmmm, shrimp cocktail. I think I may be on to something here.
The one thing that can be tricky about the holiday season, is the barrage of questions that it brings about for the littles. The standard "it's magic" response, no longer sufficient for these growing, enquiring minds. No. They want details. A timeline. Forensics. Witnesses. They are like the sleuths of Christmas spirit. They will leave no Santa stone unturned. Their festive season scrutiny knowing no bounds.
The first questions are always about Bump. He is our elf on the shelf. "Why are Bump's eyes always looking to one side?" To be fair, I have often wondered this very thing myself. His job is supposed to be to watch what the kids are doing and then report to Santa, right? How can he sufficiently do this, when his gaze is directed in one direction? If I was the big man in red, this would be something that I would be bringing up in his next performance review. "Why does Bump like your candles so much?" Our mischievous houseguest does seem to have taken a liking to my lanterns. He hangs from their brackets and hides inside of the lanterns themselves. He is lucky that I haven't accidentally set him on fire. Hmmmm.....
The next set of queries on their holiday inquest, are regarding the jolly man himself. They wanted to know his origins story. "How did Santa start?" Shit. How am I supposed to know? He has been delivering presents and gorging on cookies, for as long as I have been alive. Then, the follow-up question. "1977?" 1977???? Well that's rather specific. I wonder who has been feeding these tiny detectives information. Although, in their minds, 1977 is probably so long ago. Basically, pioneer times. Before there were even computers. They are also concerned about the logistics. "How do our letters get from here to the North Pole and then into Santa's computer?" This is the moment when I learn something. I wasn't aware that they used computers now in the North Pole. I guess it only makes sense. The elves probably have cell phones and are creating toy-making tiktok videos.
I may not have all of the Christmas answers. I am not equipped to provide the sleuths with all of the evidence that they seek. However, there are a few things I do know. I do know that I would definitely buy an appy advent calendar. Dec 3: quiche. I do know that our elf, Bump, is playing with fire. I also know that Santa's inaugural year was not 1977. For the rest, I stick to the only response I have.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays Everyone! See you in the new year!
Does Mommy need to lose her shit?
Not this week.
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